The Red Market

Illicit Goods Discretely Delivered

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other
Description:

On Order:
Discretion is Paramount!

In Stock:
The World is Yours!

Delivery Times May Vary

Bio:

AlgieAlgie the Lyre

The Red Crescent Theater of Pitax is a show house of great repute. The finest minstrels, acrobats, and purveyors of discretion in all the River Kingdoms call the Theater home. The Red Crescent’s network of entertainers spans the region and offers discrete goods to those who know where to look, and how to ask.

The bard Algernon claims to be one such entertainer of men and conveyor of goods, and for a fee he is happy to secure delivery straight to Oleg’s Trading Post.

Algie’s Songs

The Triumph of Jac or The Galtsman
There’s no man in town as admired as you
You’re ev’ryone’s favorite guy
Ev’ryone’s awed and inspired by you
And it’s not very hard to see why
No one’s slick as Galtsman
No one’s quick as Galtsman
No one’s neck’s as incredibly thick as Galtsman
For there’s no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one’s been like Galtsman
A king pin like Galtsman
No one’s got a swell cleft in his chin like Galtsman
As a specimen, yes, he’s intimidating!
My what a guy, that Galtsman!
Give five “hurrahs!”
Give twelve “hip-hips!”
Galtsman is the best
And the rest is all drips

No one fights like Galtsman
Douses lights like Galtsman
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Galtsman!
For there’s no one as burly and brawny
As you see he’s got biceps to spare
Not a bit of him’s scraggly or scrawny
That’s right!
And ev’ry last inch of him’s covered with hair

No one hits like Galtsman
Matches wits like Galtsman
In a spitting match nobody spits like Galtsman
He’s espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
Ten points for Galtsman!
When he was a lad he ate four dozen eggs
Ev’ry morning to help him get large
And now that he’s grown he eats five dozen eggs
So he’s roughly the size of a barge!
Oh, ahhh, wow!

My what a guy, that Galtsman!
No one shoots like Galtsman
Makes those beauts like Galtsman
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Galtsman
He uses antlers in all of my decorating!

My what a guy,
Galtsman!

A Letter to Jac

This letter was enclosed in a shipment addressed to Jac Steele. When Delrus intercepted the shipment, the enter party discovered the contents.

“Dearest Jac,

I have, as ever, over done. Enclosed you’ll find not one but two doses of a very potent and impotable potion. Your 150g (plus finders fee) was not a solid enough investment to secure these doses, however, and I took the liberty of taking liberties with your good reputation in securing them. Boris the Blade has a few errands he’d like run in exchange for providing his goods at a discounted rate.

As such, you will be a dear and see to the following minor tasks:

Boris the Blade has provided (2) doses of rare Baneberry poison at a discounted rate in exchange for:

  • One in-tact fairy dragon egg. No questions asked.
  • Deliver the enclosed note to Falgrim Sneeg, a former mercenary employed by the Stag Lord.

-A."

The Red Market

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